I went to catch a movie yesterday night called the 300. It’s a movie about history and of the Persian and Spartan empires, of good looking and macho men with courage and intelligence. One particular scene caught my attention. It’s a scene when the Queen of Sparta, Leonidas’s wife gave a speech before an assembly of men and spoke eloquently and confidently and wisely about Spartan’s 300 men who went for war. Well, I thought she looked really beautiful in that scene and I like it very much that the movie portrayed this intelligent woman as the wife of a very successful, brave, intelligent and honourable king. She was not trying to take over her husband’s glory and place on the throne but complimented the husband in every way and supported him in his absence with the charm and intelligence she had.
Before you close this window or switch to reading my other posts, let me assure you that this is not going to be another feminist post or some girl who has nothing better to do but to fight for more equality. No…not here to do any of that. I just can’t help wondering if successful / intelligent men will find their intelligent wives intimidating or a crown of glory for them?
I wonder.
Do men like intelligent women? Women who can think, formed their own opinions (and I mean very mature, articulated opinions) and are independent. A girl who is certain of what she wants, how she goes about getting it and a girl who has strings of achievements in her past and still working for more. Do men want these women as their girl friends, wives and mothers of their children? Can men take it if you sit next to your wife and all attention is on her and your big bosses prefer to talk to her than to you because they are attracted to her intelligence and impressed with her oral skills and you are still proud of her? Can men sit and watch their politician wives give fantastic speeches and still clap and cheer for her? Can men handle a wife who can argue (and when I say argue that doesn’t mean quarrel, just getting in to an intellectual discourse) and formulate very mature and articulate arguments about certain issues and enjoy engaging with her arguments? And if you are a man of equal importance and who possess a string of achievements as well, will you feel threatened having to live in the shadow of your girl friend in the public square or in the small social circle? I wonder, I wonder, I wonder.
Or will men consider intelligence found in these women – SEXY? Will they be proud of her and feel really good about themselves because these women choose to be with them and not any other men?
OR
Do men prefer women who doesn’t know much and allow you to lead her and pamper her and each time you ask her a question a reply you will likely get is, “I don’t know, darling … you’re the smart one”. (Although I think many intelligent women do that pretentiously just so their husbands / boyfriends can feel smart for a split second).
If not, I think intelligent girls may not find themselves a suitable partner. The intelligent guys find them too intimidating and the not-so-intelligent ones (I’m trying very hard here to be politically correct) find them difficult to connect with.
A very intelligent girl friend of mine said this: “It’s almost like a curse if we are intelligent”.
What ya think?
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32 comments:
I'd say it's hard for the man to lead if the girl is smarter.
Assuming a girl is smarter than her guy, can she still be gracious enough not to use her intelligence to overpower him and at the same time affirm his leadership over her gently, without him feeling that she is purposely 'lowering' herself down?
I've seen it work before, but I guess it's only in very few cases.
Sweetie how're you! I'm so sorry this is the first time i've visited your blog cause this is the 1st time i've stumbled upon it! i'm doing great at work and all. Challenging but fulfilling in a way I guess. HOw bout you?;) how're you doing?
In regards to your post, I'm more familiar with the saying' Beauty is a curse'=P haha not so much " intelligence for women is a curse". But I think it varies from one guy to another. But overall I think guys PREFER women to be SMART but read me carefully NOT SMARTER than them. hahaha... so it all depends on the proportions of it.
Just like how a man would like it if his wife can earn a living and be independent as well and not OVERLY dependent on him, thus knowing nothing at all. But he would VERY MUCH PREFER it if he was earning ABOVE whatever his wife is earning. Cest La Vie. No Man would wanna be overshadowed by his wife. Balance I would say is the most ideal solution ;).
take care dear... HUgs.. catch up soon?
Personally, I find intelligence sexy. Well, that’s a lie. Truth is I find intelligence SUPER SEXY. The people who mentored me were all women apart from a certain doughnut eater who happens to be my cell leader. :) In my opinion, what makes a woman different makes her beautiful and if her wit sets her apart, that is beautiful and sexeh too. Honestly, I find it so very refreshing when a woman starts talking on hard issues instead of Justin Timberlake bringing sexy back.
Face it. It is obvious that discrimination exists. Women do not have the opportunities that men do. And while many inroads have been made, the dreaded glass ceiling still holds. People don’t see that the primary reason behind an intelligent and capable woman’s aspirations is exactly the same as any man. That she thinks that she has the cognitive abilities and the drive for the job and she would like to have a crack.
Discrimination exists as well in relationships. I agree that many men find intelligent women intimidating and some even find it a turn off in the girlfriend checklist. My take on this is that these men fail at life no matter how smart they seem to be. By embarking on a journey together, irrespective of the IQ levels of “the other half”, the two people will eventually become one, striving on each other’s strengths and covering each other’s weaknesses. Where is the threat? It is a worm hidden in the age old myth that men must be the smarter one. Put it simply, if men can’t put their egos aside, they don’t deserve smart women. And if they were really that smart, they’d see that having an intelligent or more intelligent partner is not a bad thing at all.
Both men and women are human and they fear and desire the same things (Love, communication, intimacy, et cetera). They need these things equally. That man needs intelligence more than woman is a male supremacist myth as ridiculous and unworthy of respect as the myth that proclaimed the earth to be flat.
Personally, I find intelligence sexy. Well, that’s a lie. Truth is I find intelligence SUPER SEXY. The people who mentored me were all women apart from a certain doughnut eater who happens to be my cell leader. :) In my opinion, what makes a woman different makes her beautiful and if her wit sets her apart, that is beautiful and sexeh too. Honestly, I find it so very refreshing when a woman starts talking on hard issues instead of Justin Timberlake bringing sexy back.
Face it. It is obvious that discrimination exists. Women do not have the opportunities that men do. And while many inroads have been made, the dreaded glass ceiling still holds. People don’t see that the primary reason behind an intelligent and capable woman’s aspirations is exactly the same as any man. That she thinks that she has the cognitive abilities and the drive for the job and she would like to have a crack.
Discrimination exists as well in relationships. I agree that many men find intelligent women intimidating and some even find it a turn off in the girlfriend checklist. My take on this is that these men fail at life no matter how smart they seem to be. By embarking on a journey together, irrespective of the IQ levels of “the other half”, the two people will eventually become one, striving on each other’s strengths and covering each other’s weaknesses. Where is the threat? It is a worm hidden in the age old myth that men must be the smarter one. Put it simply, if men can’t put their egos aside, they don’t deserve smart women. And if they were really that smart, they’d see that having an intelligent or more intelligent partner is not a bad thing at all.
Both men and women are human and they fear and desire the same things (Love, communication, intimacy, et cetera). They need these things equally. That man needs intelligence more than woman is a male supremacist myth as ridiculous and unworthy of respect as the myth that proclaimed the earth to be flat.
Well, i won't feel intimidated by a 'more intelligent girlfriend'. Fact is, i've already accepted that most women tend to be more intelligent than men anyway. ;-)
Like it or not, i'd live with that. It's more of a blessing than something to be jealous about.
Beautifully said. Hehehe...*big grin*
Er... i think most guys dun like a superficial bimbo unless she happens to look like Pamela Anderson hahah... just kidding la...
My favorite love at first sight story was how Francis Schaeffer met his wife Edith, they were at a theological forum, and Edith rose up to defend biblical inerrancy... their eyes met and the rest is history haha...
Honestly, guys care about intelligence in a woman about as much as a woman cares about a guys looks. It's important, but not the first thing we are concerned about. I hate to be the one to say this because it is going to go against a lot of peoples protected beliefs, but here goes:
90% of what men want in a woman is beauty, the other 10% is about intelligence, personality, and everything else.
There is no doubt that intelligence is sexy, but so often that intelligence shows up without beauty. Intelligence without beauty is about as interesting to guys as a good looking, lazy, slobbish, womanizing man is to a woman. I am often confused when the intelligent woman I meet are not smart enough to realize that 90% of what attracts a guy is beauty. It's not rocket science, but it does touch in the area of belief. Unattractive woman have a complex set of limiting beliefs that allow them to make sense out of their world. It protects them. People believe what they WANT to believe by default. It is a hard and emotional experience to believe something that you do not want to believe.
I know that woman would really want guys to be more confident in themselves, to be leaders, and to be that solid oak in the woods, allowing women to be at ease in his security. But men do not because they feel they are not good looking enough, or maybe don't make enough money to feel adequate, or some other limiting reason. So they just don’t really try at all.
A similar frustration exists for men who meets an intelligent women, but she doesn't realize that all she needs to do is get over her limiting beliefs of being unattractive and actually do something about it. It takes work, but beauty is achievable. A good friend of mine is a make-up artist whose mission in life is to let as many women know this as possible. She works miracles in women’s lives. She transforms them into that beautiful someone they never thought they could see themselves as.
Any intelligent beauty is going to dance all over that ditsy bombshell if she could just put that intelligence into her beauty. Trust me, I don't think that any guy on this planet would care if a woman is more intelligent than them, or more successful than them, if she is the beauty in his eye. (Example: The world famous porn star Asia Carrera is a member of MESA.)
It's not our fault. Men are attracted to women who have the characteristics that show off the ability to produce and raise healthy children. The concept of the .7 hip-to-waist ratio is a fascinating one. You cannot ignore that it exists. Study and APPLY this stuff and you won't have to worry about what your man thinks about your intelligence.
I welcome your comments.
LOL, MESA = MENSA
(I guess I will not be a member any time soon!)
Smarter than me? I have yet to find such a creature, but if I do you'll be the first to know.
Most girls considered 'smart' are educated. Girls who are educated have been told that history is little more than a long story of oppression by males.(Never mind that men have to do all the heavy labor and die in all the wars.)
Who needs that in a girl friend or wife? Who needs a girl 'smart' enough to bicker over whether or not she's going to take your last name, who's going to make a career out of who's doing and not doing the dishes. Who's going to make any relationship a fight to the death every step of the way and then run off with the kids when she inevitably drops the divorce bomb.
Sure, bimbos are good for sex, but not too many men actually want to marry one. The reason guys run like mad when they learn their girlfriend's from Harvard Business School is because no one wants the feminist chronic victimization sisterhood as part of their lives.
If a guy could choose between a mostly harmless annoying bimbo and a woman who will rant about the 'glass cieling' after sex(when she's actually 'in the mood'), most men would sooner just have the mindless sex bunny. She's dumb, but she knows how to have fun in the sack and doesn't spout obnoxious diatribes.
It's not that stupid women are all that. It's that the alternative at this point in time is so much WORSE.
I guess that relationships need to have lots of love and mutual respect.
Whether the girl (or the guy for that matter) is smarter or not than her partner is not really the issue. It's just another feature in the relationship - just like any other trait (attractiveness, education, wealth, etc).
It's probably true in general that the greater the commonality, the greater tendency for better communication, which in turn, helps the relationship.
Dan
I've found that being intelligent gets me laid, even though I have a buzz cut hairstyle and don't 'dress to impress'.
Intelligence for women is not a curse. Repeat, not a curse. The most valuable thing you have in your possession is your brain.
Actively develop your mind, and not by doing crossword puzzles. Read challenging material, think deeply. Not only is this a good thing in and of itself, it will help you expand your dating arena to include men of intelligence, character and integrity. What's more, you'll be more adept at sorting out which guys are golden and which are just faking smarts, which means you'll be less likely to get sucked into emotionally damaging relationships with manipulative idiots.
If you're dating a guy who can't handle being less intelligent than you, dump him. Intelligence is the combination of potential and hard work. If he responds to an intellectual challenge with whining and pouting, he's not exactly grade A material. If he responds to your being more intelligent than him with hard work and a desire to develop his own mind, then you've got yourself a keeper in the making.
If you overshadow your male partner, he should be honored that such an intelligent and powerful woman chose him. Do NOT dumb yourself down for any romantic partner, ever.
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Hi! I'm Kamila and writing from Warsaw / Poland ... although intelligent people (both men and women) should know where Warsaw is ... :-P
I've been looking for some interesting articles about how sexy intelligence is ... and have found your blog :-) I think a man is afraid of an intelligent woman because he would be scared of her leaving him once she discovers her intelligence and starts using it to achieve what she wants. In other words, men prefer stupid girls because they're simpler, and ALWAYS 100% dependent on men! Yeah, that's the point - the thing is that a man needs to feel secure in a relationship and get only achieve that when his woman is predictable .... Perhaps I'm wrong, but this is how I have come to understand the issue.
I see a lot of value in having a long-term relationship with a girl highly intelligent. In this complex world, two discerning, analyzing eyes would be better than one.
Why would anyone want to date a petite, stupid woman who only exists to follow him? It is like dating a child or your daughter, and I personally find it pedophillic. And, also, that woman wouldn't have the cunning and physical resources to properly care for children if something happened to the man.
I just wouldn't want someone in the exact same field as I am (computer science). I want a lady that I can teach things new things and she can teach me new things.
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